just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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