I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
