She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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