he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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