I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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