I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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