I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
