what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my being single is dangerous.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize