don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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