So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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