when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
