dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
