I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
