I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
