her vagine was all disorganized.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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