She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
