Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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