I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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