im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
