oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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