remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
