is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Randomize
