I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
