it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it glows. i had to have it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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