babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
