Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
