Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
did i walk over a car last night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
