does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
