Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
