You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
