It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You pole danced in your parka.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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