Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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