Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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