pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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