Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
