well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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