I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize