i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
