My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
