so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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