the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My vagina just recognized that song.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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