My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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