my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
