yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
