So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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