naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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