real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
