The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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