I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
