OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
