I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
