Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
