Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This baby is an asshole
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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