So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
