bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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