so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
