I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
