I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
