i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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