Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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