Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
