Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
