It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have already put on my inside pants.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
