from now on my penis is your penis
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dignity is for republicans.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
