mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
