I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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