her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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