Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
